Never Let Go

I had always said God had to get me flat on my back to get me to listen.  Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish His voice from the chorus in our brains.  I just didn’t know that God would take me so literal.

You see, my past few years have been filled with depression and panic.  I found every day a struggle.  I questioned everything, including my faith.  Then to add fuel to that already burning funeral pyre, I was downsized.  A forty-something, unemployed woman, recovering from the darkness called depression.  Where was I to go?  The church of course.  I was going to help prepare for the children’s Christmas program.

The stage was set, everything was all done and we were ready for Christmas!  I was very proud of our efforts.  I went to quickly grab my shoes so everyone could get the full effect.  That is when it happened.  I stepped out into thin air, then did my best ballerina spin and promptly landed, without any pomp or ceremony, on the sanctuary platform.  I heard a scream and realized it was mine, then I remembered the crunching sound.  

After my pride had taken its fair share of blows, it was found that I had broken not one but both feet, broke one ankle and severely sprained the other.  I was literally flat on my back.  I was to be fairly immobile for the next four months.  There was nowhere to run, and distractions were pretty much always out of reach.

On New Year’s Eve, I was alone, or so I thought.  I received a text from a friend with the usual New Year cheer, at the end she referenced an old hymn. The moment I read that simple text, I was immediately transported to a church service long ago.  It was one of those services where even the small children could feel the movement of the Lord.  I heard my mother’s voice so clear, singing that hymn.  I felt His presence on the couch with my feet in casts. Love and hope coursed through me.  The words began to flow, making me smile:

“Time is filled with swift transition,

Naught of earth unmoved can stand,

Build your hopes on things eternal,

Hold to God’s unchanging hand.”

My heart soared! My circumstances did not matter.  

There was more than this, I was never letting go of God’s unchanging hand.